23 and loving life

So as I was contemplating on yet another birthday and I surprisingly had a lot of thoughts come to my mind so I figured I should write them down before I forget hahah (I am not that old , but I do forget easily sometimes). As you become an adult birthdays don't really seam as fun or cool anymore; I find its way more fun to celebrate with your kids on holidays and birthdays rather than focusing on yourself, but none the less a birthday is a day to focus on yourself and celebrate your entrance into this world and who you have become. This brings me to a song I just heard on the country radio station. As I was doing dishes this song came on called "The Dash”. Now I wasn't really paying attention until he sung the words 1990 dash (-) 2013... Now in my head I was like hey that's when I was born, wait how sad they died at 23. This led me to keep listening carefully to the rest of the lyrics. The part of the song that really stood out to me was this...  “Life goes by so fast and our stories defined by how we spend that dash". That simple statement hit me like a ton of bricks. Having lost a couple of loved ones too soon including my mom really made me revaluate how I want to spend my dash. Now I don't know if any of you feel like this, but being married and having a child makes me feel old but I am only 23. That's it, what? I feel like I am 35 hahah no, but really 23 is so young I still have the rest of my life to become who I want to be and make a difference in the world. Life is so short yet we need to live everyday like it’s our last because you just never know. I personally want to live with no regrets. I am so grateful to be here on this earth right now and that I have a loving family and friends who support me. I have to give a shout out to my mom... she was an amazing and strong women. She fought through every trial in her life including the 8 years, yes 8 years to conceive me. I couldn't imagine it taking that long, and if it were me I would have given up and adopted, but I am so glad she didn't or I wouldn't be here today. I love and miss her very much and I am so grateful for the life she gave to me, even if her life was taken a little sooner than we had all hoped she did her part and I will see her again one day. So in short I am grateful for these 23 years I have had so far. I am very grateful for my loving husband Shaun, and my angel of a daughter Naomi (no she’s not a perfect angel, but she’s my angel) I also want all you of to think of this question, how will you spend your dash?   HAPPY 23^rd BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Goodnight

Love,

Andrae Michelle

Prayers

 

Here is a quick post about how my daughter makes me a better person each and every day. Now that Naomi is old enough to understand basic principles of praying we have been praying with her at meal time and at bed time. She now folds her arms and makes a noise that kind of sounds like amen. It is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Now every time we put her in her bed, even at nap she lies down and folds her arms for prayer. This simple gesture done by a sweet innocent 1 year old reminds me how important it is to teach her even the simplest form of prayer and love for our Heavenly Father. When I had her I made a promise to myself and to her that I wouldn't let her grow up the way I did. I grew up in a part member home my mom was baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, my dad was not. We never really had Family home evening, family prayer, or family scripture study that I can remember. Because of this I grew up with no good habits or personal prayer or scripture study. I suffer from that even today and I regret not having that rock like foundation in those areas. So I told myself I would teach my children these things from a young age so they will never remember a time not saying prayer or reading scriptures. In this ever worsening world our children need God more than ever, and I hope I can give my children the strength they need. I know Naomi gives me the strength I need to get through each day. She reminds me when I forget to pray by her simple act of folding her arms. I thank God every day for her and hope she grows up to be a wonderful young woman. I love you Naomi <3

Love,

Andrae Michelle

The Deepest Desire of My Heart

So as some of you may know, and a lot of you had no idea, I have really been struggling with the task of trying for baby number two. I have been struggling with wanting another one probably since Naomi was 5 months old, which I know is crazy but oh well. I would get the urge on and off since then to be pregnant again, but it hasn't happened yet. These last three months have really been the hardest though. With Naomi turning one I feel rushed to get pregnant because we want them to be two years apart, and what if it takes longer and they are closer to three and all those fears and thoughts race through my mind.  It was also really hard for me to see all my friends conceiving baby number two and I couldn't help but think why not me? So needless to say we have been trying for three months ,which I know for some is nothing because they have been trying for months even years ,but for me this is the most trying and emotionally draining thing I have ever been through. It’s hard for me to get pregnant on my own due to my PCOS anyways, but right now we really can’t afford the Metformin that helped me conceive Naomi so we have been trying without it.  I was getting my period regularly for 2 months straight which was really exciting until last month, when I missed my period and I thought for sure I was pregnant, and I believed I was until this week when I tested again and the dreaded missing line showed again. It was a huge heartbreak, but I can’t stop living my life so I picked up all the pieces of my broken heart and hugged my daughter and found the joy in having her in my life. I am not sure why God has placed this huge desire in my heart for another baby and hasn’t blessed me with one yet, but I know there has to be a reason and I know that he wouldn’t put me through this through nothing. I know that the next one of my children will come down to me when he or she is ready but timing is everything right. Well I will just keep telling myself that and hopefully one day this trial will be over and we will have a new bundle of joy coming our way. Until then I will just love my daughter to pieces as I always do and keep trying to be the best wife, mother, and daughter of God I can be and leave the rest in God’s hands. Thank you to all my friends and family who have been there and supported me and my family we love you all and really couldn’t do it without you!

Love, Andrae Michelle