Clomid aka the devil drug

So I know all I blog about is trying to get pregnant, but it is my biggest trial and has consumed most of my everyday life so sorry if it gets old but the only way I can half way deal with it is to type it out. As of lately I have gone through a completely different aspect of the trial. So a few months ago I was able to get on metformin the drug I as able to concive Naomi on but nothing really happened this time my periods didn't regulate like before and I didn't ovulate. After trying to figure out if I should try the clomid ( a fertility drug from the devil haha) I concidered to have got my answer the next day when my period started unexpectedly. I took this as a sign and started the clomid on day 5 of my cycle as instructed. I thought after finishing the perscription this isn't as bad as everyone says no hot flashes or bad mood swings. I thought I got off lucky , boy was I wrong. Half way through the month I started doing ovulation tests to see when we should do the deed but I ran out of tests before I ovulated so I resorted to watching cervical mucus .. Gross! So I think I ovulated at the end of September especially because I could feel pain in both ovaries. So it hasn't been that long and for me it's way to early to test because my body doesn't produce the hug hormone as fast. With Naomi it was a month until I found out. I am going crazy taking a pregnancy test every day because something just feels off and I think I am but this is where the emotional roller coster starts. Clomid can mimic pregnancy symptoms so even if I feel pregnant it could be after effects from the drug which is so annoying. I also feel like no one has experienced exactly what I am going through so I have no support group. I also see how much my husband wants more babies, but it's my fault because it's my body that's broken not his. There is so much more stress on me to get pregnant because I have to load myself with drugs to even have a remote chance of conceiving. It's been so hard because Naomi goes up to babies and hugs them and wants to hold them. I know she would be the best big sister but I haven't been able to provide one for her. I know it all happens in gods time and I have faith it will, but this is getting harder than ever when my brain thinks I am pregnant and have gotten an answer to my prayers but every time I'm not. I don't know how to cope with this. For now I guess I have to deal with all the crying, queezyness, and slight cramping and pray this time it's really it.