Confessions of a Wife and First Time Mommy

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Clomid aka the devil drug

So I know all I blog about is trying to get pregnant, but it is my biggest trial and has consumed most of my everyday life so sorry if it gets old but the only way I can half way deal with it is to type it out. As of lately I have gone through a completely different aspect of the trial. So a few months ago I was able to get on metformin the drug I as able to concive Naomi on but nothing really happened this time my periods didn't regulate like before and I didn't ovulate. After trying to figure out if I should try the clomid ( a fertility drug from the devil haha) I concidered to have got my answer the next day when my period started unexpectedly. I took this as a sign and started the clomid on day 5 of my cycle as instructed. I thought after finishing the perscription this isn't as bad as everyone says no hot flashes or bad mood swings. I thought I got off lucky , boy was I wrong. Half way through the month I started doing ovulation tests to see when we should do the deed but I ran out of tests before I ovulated so I resorted to watching cervical mucus .. Gross! So I think I ovulated at the end of September especially because I could feel pain in both ovaries. So it hasn't been that long and for me it's way to early to test because my body doesn't produce the hug hormone as fast. With Naomi it was a month until I found out. I am going crazy taking a pregnancy test every day because something just feels off and I think I am but this is where the emotional roller coster starts. Clomid can mimic pregnancy symptoms so even if I feel pregnant it could be after effects from the drug which is so annoying. I also feel like no one has experienced exactly what I am going through so I have no support group. I also see how much my husband wants more babies, but it's my fault because it's my body that's broken not his. There is so much more stress on me to get pregnant because I have to load myself with drugs to even have a remote chance of conceiving. It's been so hard because Naomi goes up to babies and hugs them and wants to hold them. I know she would be the best big sister but I haven't been able to provide one for her. I know it all happens in gods time and I have faith it will, but this is getting harder than ever when my brain thinks I am pregnant and have gotten an answer to my prayers but every time I'm not. I don't know how to cope with this. For now I guess I have to deal with all the crying, queezyness, and slight cramping and pray this time it's really it.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Thank Heaven for Little Girls!

So today as me and Naomi were spending the morning together I could help but feel grateful I that I have a daughter. She came to me this morning with a bottle of nail polish and sat down and put her foot out so I could paint her toes. It just made me laugh she is so funny like that. She also loves getting her hair done and will just sit there while I do it. I am so lucky I always wanted a girl and I defiantly have a full fledge girl sass and all. She brings so much joy into my life and has such a sweet spirit. I can't believe how much personality is packed into her little body. She loves to talk, help mommy clean and do laundry, eating chocolate (if you have some she will find it), taking care of her baby dolls, and cuddling with mommy and daddy before bed. She knows a hand full of sign language signs that she uses daily such as please, thank you, more, water, milk, drink, candy,and bed. She loves giving hugs and kisses and says hi and smiles at every one she meets. She is a busy girl she never stops until its bedtime. I wish she could stay little forever, but they grow up no mater what. I almost forgot to mention she is BINKY FREE! I am so happy we don't have to pack those binkies around any more. Here are a few of her and all her girlyness enjoy!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Update a long time comming

So again a lot has happened and I haven't updated so here is my massively long post about my life since the last time. Shaun has improved with his device yay, but we still have some more appointments to keep upping the levels of his device so we are hoping it will only get better from here. We don't go back until April so we still have a little while to see how its working at the level it is currently at. This has been a huge blessing to us, and we hope it will continue to show improvements so Shaun can lead a more normal lifestyle.

Naomi is growing up so fast and she is always smiling, being silly, or laughing. She loves her grandpa and grandma to pieces although most days she favors grandpa haha. it has been good living here with them for a while so that she can get to know them better. I still can’t believe she will be two in June... time flies too quick. She loves going to work with mommy and playing with all the kids. I am still loving my job, but sometimes I come home and crash because working with twelve 2 year olds at a time can be a lot of work.

We are finally in a place where we can get our own place again I can’t wait. Though it is harder than it seems. Finding a decent place within our price range is a little tricky, but I have faith we will find the right place if we keep looking.

So on a more serious note.. ( NOTE to those mentioned please do not feel bad or be offended) Many of you who keep up with my posts know that I went through a few months of depression due to the lack of being able to get pregnant again and no I am still not pregnant. I want to thank those of you who gave me courage and love and helped me though this rough time. During that time almost all of my friends became pregnant and every time it was a blow to my gut. Then my sister in law announced she was expecting and I wanted to give up on everything it was the last straw although that was my turnaround point as well. I hated feeling the way and did and thinking the way I did. I didn't understand why everyone but me was being blessed with another baby. I pleaded with the lord above that both my sister in laws wouldn't be pregnant at the same time if I still wasn't pregnant because it would be too much for me to handle. Months went by and I got out of my depression I started trusting and relying more on the lord for strength and comfort and enjoying the moments with my sweet daughter more. This is where my life lesson gets inserted. Remember that plea I mentioned before well it was not granted my other sister in law announced she is expecting and I am still not. I thought back on that day I prayed earnestly and thought okay this must be funny to him because he is trying to prove me wrong or something , but then I remembered he would never be cruel he loves me unconditionally and knows my situation. So I must be stronger than I think I am and I feel like I already am I didn't even cry when she told me and I actually felt happy for her so that's a plus... I still feel like the odd one out and probably will for a while but I know that the lord will bless me with another bundle of love when my time is come. My life lesson never tempt the lord by saying you’re not strong enough hhahah; no really he knows how much we can handle and how much we need to handle to grow so trust in him that no matter what happens it will be for your good.

I am so grateful for my loving husband that listens to me complain and cry and all that girly stuff yet he loves me anyway. I am also grateful for the knowledge of heavenly father and his eternal plan. I don't know where I would be without it.

Thank you all for your love and support until next time,

Love,

Andrae Michelle

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Potato gleaning

For those of you who don't know what potato gleaning is, after the farmers go through their fields harvesting the potatoes you can go through and pick up all the ones that fell off the truck or got missed by the combine and take them home for free. We decided this would be fun for the whole family so we gathered buckets and boxes and went out to find some potatoes. Naomi had so much fun finding potatoes and putting them in her bucket. She especially loved finding the little baby ones that were just her size. She even found a worm and tried to eat it luckily we stopped her before she got it into her mouth. It was a great experience and a fun way to enjoy Idaho. (As always lots of pics)

Love,

Andrae Michelle

A potato just her size

ooo a worm!

Mommy and daughter shot :)

I'm done guys

A few of my favorite pics of Naomi's cousin Jacob ( he is 6 months older)

Shaun's surgery

So as most of you know Shaun's surgery was last week. He went in to the University of Utah Hospital to have a vagal nerve stimulator put in. The surgery was only about an hour and a half long, but with the waiting and recovering it was about 4 hours worth of time in the hospital. The doctor said he did very well with the surgery and we drove home the same day. The pain meds made him a little sick but overall no problem. He went back to work 2 days after the surgery. We all thought he was crazy, but he pulled it off. The next step now is to go back down to Utah to get the device actually turned on to see how Shaun's body will respond to the stimulation. We are all hoping and praying for the best. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and love we appreciate them.

Love,
Andrae Michelle

getting prepped for surgery

battle wounds

First family camping trip

So I am really behind on my blog posts, but this one is from august when we took Naomi camping with grandma and grandpa. Naomi had a blast! Anyone who knows Naomi knows that she loves being outdoors so she was in heaven. She talked up a storm that know one knew what she was saying, she got to ride a 4 wheeler, sleep in a camper, chop wood, roast marshmallows, play games with the cousins, and best of all eat good camping food. The best story of all was when everyone had gone to bed and Shaun and I were just sitting by the fire talking. I heard foot steps behind us I was a little freaked out and tried to figure out who or what it was, then when I heard it again closer I ran so fast to the trailer I though for sure it was something out to get us. Then when we got the flashlight it was a family of deer walking near our campsite I laughed about it later, but at the time I almost peed my pants. Over all it was a fun camping trip and I cant wait until next year to go again. Below are some (actually a lot of pictures from the trip).
Love,
Andrae Michelle